Copio una historia muy bonita que leí hace poco en un foro:
Aturdidos cuando vimos el test positivo, Rog y yo nos miramos con duda y ambivalencia. Con 41 años, mi vida profesional me consumía, había logrado lo que otros predecían imposible. Me habían concedido “privilegios de parto” en Alta Bates y como consecuencia mi practica como comadrona había florecido.
Jill se unió a nosotros “ Si, mama solo por la alegría que traerá”
Fue mi turno de mirar por la ventana y enfrentarme a mi visión borrosa. Así que, en el momento en el que muchas mujeres ven el nido vacío al final de la rama de su árbol familiar con algo de alivio, yo estaba considerando poner un nuevo huevo.
El Bebe Espiritu
Colin, mi hijo de 12 años me encontró una tarde lluviosa sentada a la mesa de la cocina llorando a moco tendido, intente recomponerme para el. Era el 3 de enero, dos meses después de haber tenido un aborto, pero todavía era imposible para mi seguir adelante sin al menos una recaída diaria.
Aturdidos cuando vimos el test positivo, Rog y yo nos miramos con duda y ambivalencia. Con 41 años, mi vida profesional me consumía, había logrado lo que otros predecían imposible. Me habían concedido “privilegios de parto” en Alta Bates y como consecuencia mi practica como comadrona había florecido.
Algunos meses traía al mundo doce bebes y nadie sabia nunca cuando y como iba a estar en casa.
Rog, también se encontraba al límite, mantenía su negocio a flote mientras suplía mi falta de tiempo en casa. Colin y Jill se aproximaban a sus desafiantes años adolescentes. ¿Como podíamos encajar un bebe en nuestras vidas? Sin embargo, cuando perdí al bebe y toda esperanza de solución se disolvía con mis lagrimas, me enamore de aquel bebe que ya no iba a existir.
Rog, también se encontraba al límite, mantenía su negocio a flote mientras suplía mi falta de tiempo en casa. Colin y Jill se aproximaban a sus desafiantes años adolescentes. ¿Como podíamos encajar un bebe en nuestras vidas? Sin embargo, cuando perdí al bebe y toda esperanza de solución se disolvía con mis lagrimas, me enamore de aquel bebe que ya no iba a existir.
Colin me pregunto “¿Estas llorando por el bebe?” y cuando afirme llorosamente que si, me dijo “Bueno, entonces tienes que tener otro, Mama, porque es un bebe espíritu y tu tienes que ser su madre”.
Debí parecer perpleja porque me dijo, “no conoces nada sobre los bebe espíritu?” Como puedo yo saber sobre ellos y tu no, quiero decir, eres mi madre!” Pero seguía percibiendo mi confusión.
Así que mi primogénito, este niño que aun no es adolescente, arrastro una silla de madera junto a mi, puso su bracito sobre mis hombros y me dijo “Veras Mama, así es como sucede: Yo mismo fui un bebe espíritu, así que así debe ser como lo se. En cualquier caso, cada mujer tiene un circulo de bebe que gira sobre su cabeza, son los posibles bebes que puede tener en toda su vida. Cada mes, uno de esos bebes esta el primero de la fila. Si se queda embarazada, ese es el bebe que nacerá. Si no se queda embarazada, el bebe vuelve al circulo y continua girando con el resto de los bebes. Pero, si se queda embarazada, pero algo malo pasa antes de que nazca el bebe… escucha mama, porque es la parte verdaderamente guay. El bebe vuelve al circulo, pero se convierte en un bebe espíritu y el resto de los bebes le dan prioridad. Cada mes, el es el primero de la fila! ¿No es fantástico?
Así que mi primogénito, este niño que aun no es adolescente, arrastro una silla de madera junto a mi, puso su bracito sobre mis hombros y me dijo “Veras Mama, así es como sucede: Yo mismo fui un bebe espíritu, así que así debe ser como lo se. En cualquier caso, cada mujer tiene un circulo de bebe que gira sobre su cabeza, son los posibles bebes que puede tener en toda su vida. Cada mes, uno de esos bebes esta el primero de la fila. Si se queda embarazada, ese es el bebe que nacerá. Si no se queda embarazada, el bebe vuelve al circulo y continua girando con el resto de los bebes. Pero, si se queda embarazada, pero algo malo pasa antes de que nazca el bebe… escucha mama, porque es la parte verdaderamente guay. El bebe vuelve al circulo, pero se convierte en un bebe espíritu y el resto de los bebes le dan prioridad. Cada mes, el es el primero de la fila! ¿No es fantástico?
Así que solo tienes que quedarte embarazada de nuevo y entonces tendrás el mismo Bebe Espíritu. Si no lo haces, entonces el circulo de los bebes simplemente lo enviaran al circulo de otra mujer, y será el primero de la fila para ella. Permanecerá siendo el primero hasta que finalmente nazca.
Así que seria una pena que no lo tuvieras tu misma, porque se cuanto lo quieres. Así que tienes que intentarlo de nuevo Mama, ¿te acuerdas de aquel bebe que perdiste antes de yo naciera? – Afirme sin poder articular palabra- “ Bueno pues era yo! De verdad, siempre he sabido que era un Bebe espíritu, quiero decir, se de lo que estoy hablando Mama”
A pesar de la certeza de Colin de que un bebe en nuestro hogar haría las cosas perfectas, Rog y yo no estábamos de acuerdo. Pero Colin no solo lo dejo estar sino que unió a su hermana la causa. Una noche íbamos en el coche y mire a mi hijo en su asiento trasero detrás de mí. Miraba a través de la ventana intentando ocultar sus lagrimas., pero ví el rubor de su cara, el temblor de sus hombros y un movimiento furtivo sobre su mejilla para eliminar una lagrima.
Habían pasado seis meses desde el aborto y acaba de terminar otra charla discusión en la que le decía a mi hijo que tener un bebe a mi edad estaba fuera de toda discusión “ Colin no entiendo tu pasión para tener otro bebe. ¿Por que quieres tenerlo tanto?
Aparto su mirada de las lejanas colinas y me miro con sus ojos lagrimosos y labios temblorosos. Con voz entrecortada, puso toda la pasión de un niño de 12 años en su respuesta “ Oh Mama, solo por la alegría que traerá”
Jill se unió a nosotros “ Si, mama solo por la alegría que traerá”
Fue mi turno de mirar por la ventana y enfrentarme a mi visión borrosa. Así que, en el momento en el que muchas mujeres ven el nido vacío al final de la rama de su árbol familiar con algo de alivio, yo estaba considerando poner un nuevo huevo.
Varios meses de conversación fueron salpicadas de dudas, a las que siguió la incredulidad. Aunque Rog y yo tomamos la decisión final, no hay ninguna duda de que nuestra decisión fue claramente influenciada por la insistencia de nuestros hijos adolescentes sobre que “necesitábamos un bebe en casa”. Rog y yo respiramos profundamente, nos miramos a través de las rubias cabezas de estos dos sabios niños, tragamos y dimos un salto gigante de fe.
Concebí a mi bebe espíritu una semana después. Solo por la alegría que traerá.
~Spirit Baby
"Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.
Stunned w hen the test came back positive, Rog and I had stared at each other with doubt and ambivalence. At forty-one, my professional life consumed me. I'd just achieved what some had predicted was an impossibility: I'd been granted delivery privileges at Alta Bates, and as a consequence, my midwifery practice burgeoned. Some months I delivered twelve babies, and no one ever knew if or when I'd be home. Rog, too, felt stretched to his limits, keeping his business afloat while picking up the slack for my frequent unscheduled absences. Colin and Jill approached their challenging adolescent years. How could we fit an infant into our lives? But when I lost the pregnancy and all hope for resolution dissolved with my tears, I fell in love with the baby that was not to be.
Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."
I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.
So my first child, this not-yet-teen-aged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby's born…now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?
"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about here, Mom."
In spite of Colin's certainty that our household, so often bordering on chaos, lacked only an infant to make things perfect, Rog and I demurred. But Colin didn't give up and even enlisted his sister's support. Driving with them in the car one evening, I looked at my son in the passenger seat beside me. He stared out the side window and tried to hide his tears, but I saw the flush on his face, the shaking of his shoulders, and the surreptitious swipe of hand across cheek.
Six months had passed since my miscarriage, and I had just finished yet another discussion in which I'd told my pleading son that having a third baby at my age was out of the question. I reached over the space between us and squeezed his fingers. "Colin, I don't understand this passion you have for a baby. Why do you want one so much?"
He tore his gaze from the distant hills and looked at me with swimming eyes and trembling lips. In a choking voice, he put all of his twelve-year-old passion into his reply.
"Oh, Mom! Oh. Just for the joy of it!"
Jill stretched forward from the back seat and placed a hand on each of our shoulders. "Yeah, Mom, just for the joy of it."
It was my turn to look out the side window and struggle with misty vision.
So, at a time when most women eye the empty nest at the end of their branch on the family tree with something approaching relief, I gave consideration to laying just one more egg. Several months of discussions peppered with doubt and disbelief followed. Although Rog and I made the final decision, there's no denying that a big part of our decision to have a third child began with the insistence of our adolescent children that we "needed a baby in the house." Rog and I took a deep breath, looked at each other across the blond heads of those two wishful children, swallowed – and made a giant leap of faith.
I conceived my Spirit Baby a week later. Just for the joy of it."
~End of Story~
"Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.
Stunned w hen the test came back positive, Rog and I had stared at each other with doubt and ambivalence. At forty-one, my professional life consumed me. I'd just achieved what some had predicted was an impossibility: I'd been granted delivery privileges at Alta Bates, and as a consequence, my midwifery practice burgeoned. Some months I delivered twelve babies, and no one ever knew if or when I'd be home. Rog, too, felt stretched to his limits, keeping his business afloat while picking up the slack for my frequent unscheduled absences. Colin and Jill approached their challenging adolescent years. How could we fit an infant into our lives? But when I lost the pregnancy and all hope for resolution dissolved with my tears, I fell in love with the baby that was not to be.
Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."
I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.
So my first child, this not-yet-teen-aged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby's born…now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?
"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about here, Mom."
In spite of Colin's certainty that our household, so often bordering on chaos, lacked only an infant to make things perfect, Rog and I demurred. But Colin didn't give up and even enlisted his sister's support. Driving with them in the car one evening, I looked at my son in the passenger seat beside me. He stared out the side window and tried to hide his tears, but I saw the flush on his face, the shaking of his shoulders, and the surreptitious swipe of hand across cheek.
Six months had passed since my miscarriage, and I had just finished yet another discussion in which I'd told my pleading son that having a third baby at my age was out of the question. I reached over the space between us and squeezed his fingers. "Colin, I don't understand this passion you have for a baby. Why do you want one so much?"
He tore his gaze from the distant hills and looked at me with swimming eyes and trembling lips. In a choking voice, he put all of his twelve-year-old passion into his reply.
"Oh, Mom! Oh. Just for the joy of it!"
Jill stretched forward from the back seat and placed a hand on each of our shoulders. "Yeah, Mom, just for the joy of it."
It was my turn to look out the side window and struggle with misty vision.
So, at a time when most women eye the empty nest at the end of their branch on the family tree with something approaching relief, I gave consideration to laying just one more egg. Several months of discussions peppered with doubt and disbelief followed. Although Rog and I made the final decision, there's no denying that a big part of our decision to have a third child began with the insistence of our adolescent children that we "needed a baby in the house." Rog and I took a deep breath, looked at each other across the blond heads of those two wishful children, swallowed – and made a giant leap of faith.
I conceived my Spirit Baby a week later. Just for the joy of it."
~End of Story~
Historia extraida de aquí:
http://www.elistas.net/lista/elpartoesnuestro/archivo/indice/20721/msg/75314/
